Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
