i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
