So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This house was built for laser tag.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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