so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
