Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
that's an acceptable place to lick
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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