your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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