we have officially mastered the walk of shame
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
