You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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