very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
