Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
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You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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