I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
