You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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