Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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