I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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