apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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