We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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