Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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