Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
