well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
