Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
