This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
