i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
