mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
