oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
