I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
