The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
