I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
