I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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