The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
