the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
