ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
