So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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