ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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