i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
