Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
