i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
