She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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