So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize