he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize