I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
