Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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