I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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