i love accidental penises.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
