If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
