Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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