Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
