I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
