So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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