I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was confusing and full of hummus
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
