wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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