make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
