what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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