I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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