He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
