he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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