dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
