last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
