3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
