Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
