You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
