dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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