lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
