it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You have to summon your inner elephant
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
