oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
