She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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