I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
