Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
