i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
