K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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