New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
