I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
