I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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