I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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