after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
