my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
