I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
love makes seman taste better
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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